Lucy Brazier reads a festive excerpt from PorterGirl – First Lady Of The Keys
The PorterGirl Collection
I came, I saw, I portered*
The great Judge Judy once said, “I think that you’re supposed to know when it’s time to say goodbye”. As I prepare for my imminent departure from Cambridge, I like to see it less as a goodbye to the city I have come to love above all others, but more of a ‘hello’ to new adventures.
Coming to the University city changed my life beyond all recognition and, despite not being a scholar or academic of any kind, I was able to realise my dreams and reach a potential I never imagined possible within the strange and wonderful walls of this esoteric world. More than that, I have been lucky enough to have you all alongside me for what has been a most unexpected emprise. And, as far as unexpected emprises go, this is just the beginning, I assure you.
But now it is time to go. There are those I love even more than Cambridge, endeavours even more pertinent than PorterGirl. Without doubt, Cambridge will always be a part of me, but perhaps more importantly, I will always be a part of Cambridge.
*Relying on schoolgirl Latin as opposed to being a Classical scholar, I struggled to find a direct translation for ‘porter’ as either a noun or verb. So, seeing as our English word porter is derived from the Latin portātor, from past participle of portāre (to carry) I decided to go with that, as it’s a nice first conjugation word and easily popped into the singular perfect tense. I am sure far better educated chaps than my good self will have plenty to say about this pitiful translation but, quite frankly, bollocks to them.
The second book in the PorterGirl series on offer for a limited time…
There’s nothing quite so annoying as having the police arrive just as you are trying to work out how to cover up a crime that may or may not have happened…
Having barely drawn breath from clearing out the bodies that resulted from the unpleasantness of last term, our heroine Deputy Head Porter once again finds herself facing another crisis at Old College. One of the oldest and most esteemed establishments of the British academic elite, Old College had a long and bloody history before the arrival of the very first female Deputy Head Porter, so perhaps she shouldn’t be so surprised.
Her first academic year in her illustrious new role (Porters are not the carriers of bags, but the keepers of keys) saw her tackle a vicious and shadowy secret organisation, several murders and the assorted whims of College hierarchy. Now, faced with the unexplained disappearance of a priceless painting and the unexpected death of local dignitary Lord Bernard, there is nothing for it but to don her trusty bowler hat and embark upon another eccentric investigation.
Only slightly hindered by the assistance of an increasingly erratic Head Porter – whose personal life gets more complex by the day – and the terrifyingly unpredictable Dean of College, Deputy Head Porter is soon chasing clues, picking up red herrings and juggling extraordinary adventures with the day-to-day running of Britain’s most exclusive educational establishment.
Tenacious detectives, ill-advised disguises, saucy medieval literature and Russian spies conspire to confuse matters further. While great efforts are spent unravelling a horrible misunderstanding, far darker machinations go almost unnoticed…