I wasn’t my usual chipper self when giving this interview, and when I received the notes back I realised that I sound like a proper arsey little madam!
1. I was surprised when you told me that Porters in a College don’t actually carry any bags for anyone. They simply guard the keys.
Portering is far more than just guarding keys, I assure you! The Porters ensure the smooth running of the day-to-day business of College life, handling everything from the post to broken hearts. They are the backbone of academia – providing security, advice and a friendly ear at any time of the day or night. Guarding keys, indeed. Pah! Philistine.
2. PorterGirl is a work of fiction but based heavily on your life as the first female Deputy Head Porter at a Cambridge college. What was the hardest thing about writing this book?
There was nothing hard about writing the book at all, I loved writing the book. Editing the book, promoting the book – that’s another story.
3. Was there lots you had to leave out so you weren’t sued? If so, can you hint at some of them?
There was never any question of me being (successfully) sued, the libel laws in this country leave a lot of scope for satire and parody. Although the publicity would be handy right about now, don’t you think? There are certainly things I could have written differently to give a more accurate account of my time there, but it wouldn’t have been as much fun. If you are hinting at nefarious goings on, well – it’s all in there, one way or another, if you know where to look.
4. It is a story about a woman finding it hard to fit in to what was a male dominated world. What are your views on that word then and now?
I came into that world wide-eyed and dumbfounded by the history, the elitism and the sheer otherworldliness of it all. As a very working class girl with little education to speak of, it really was like entering Wonderland. The casual misogyny was quite amusing at first and, to be honest, in reality it was limited to a few antiquated old duffers who probably still thought there was a war on. A lot of people were quite pleased to see me. That didn’t last long. Although it is a world I could never really fit in to, I have enormous respect and admiration for Cambridge University. You don’t get to be at the top of your game for over 800 years without doing something right.
5. PorterGirl isn’t a super hero though some might think she sounds like one, you just need the cape and knickers over your trousers. What super powers would you give her and why?
Invisibility, so she could listen in to all the plotting, unnoticed.
6. And what about you Lucy Brazier, what super powers would you like and why?
A bottomless stomach and a psychotic metabolism, so I could eat all the time and not get fat. Also being able to turn water into wine would be cool. I can do it the other way round, but that’s not so special.
7. PorterGirl is a murder mystery, I’ll not give too many spoilers, of who, how or when. Who are your favourite murder mystery writers and why?
Agatha Christie is the absolute last word in murder mystery. No one does it as well as her. Her mysteries are so devilishly crafted and her characters beautifully presented. In all her books, the clues are there for the reader to solve, if only they can pick them out. She is also the master of the red herring, a notoriously tricky thing to pull off in writing.
8. If PorterGirl was made into a movie or TV series who would you like to play the lead role and why?
It has been mentioned before that Sheridan Smith would be perfect. Although Eddie Izzard in drag would probably be closer to what I am actually like.
9. If they did, would you do a cameo role and if so what part would you give yourself?
Absolutely not, I hate being on camera. But if I absolutely had to, I would play a visiting food tester who embarks upon a passionate affair with Head Gardener (played by Sean Bean).
10. Are we to read more PorterGirl murder adventures? If so can you hint at the next story?
There will certainly be more PorterGirl, but the murders are the sub-plot, really. The next tale will involve a mysterious theft and relations with arch rivals Hawkins College will be further inflamed when they are implicated. But all is not as it seems and our bowler hatted heroes find themselves embroiled in something quite unexpected. Old College has a bloody and brutal history, however, and that isn’t going away any time soon.
11. Is there romance in PorterGirl’s life? If so, when and with who?
I have no idea how to write romance, so the chances of her having anything beyond a passing flirtation are slim. She has always held a torch for The Dean, of course, but College hierarchy could never allow for a relationship between a member of The Fellowship and a College servant. There is a quirky American Professor who joins Old College at the same time she does and there is definitely an attraction between them. We will have to wait and see how that develops. Illicit romps with Head Gardener (played by Sean Bean) are a possibility.
12. How much of you is in PorterGirl and how much of her is in you?
Deputy Head Porter is just me with all the flaws airbrushed out. When I first started writing the blog, I was still at the College and it was a documentation of my time there, so I was writing very much in my own ‘voice’. She is a heavily filtered version of me. The unfiltered version of me would not work well with cosy fiction.
13. What do you like most about writing PorterGirl?
It just writes itself! It is an awful lot of fun to write and because it doesn’t fit squarely into any particular genre or style, I can write it just how I want.
14. What advice would you give to any up and coming writer or someone trying a new career for that matter?
I am still up and coming myself, so all I can advise is just keep writing, every day, no excuses. You are not a writer if you don’t write. Start by writing what you love, find your own style and your own unique way of putting words on a page. Then, look for your market, your audience – find out what they want and give it to them, but with your own stamp all over it. As for trying a new career, embrace the change! Comfort zones are overrated. Get out there and scare yourself. And maybe keep a diary, too, just in case…
Lucy Brazier 
Once you’ve reached the realisation that you’re actually destined to be a bacon smuggler, all else can tends to become just white noise…
Oh, I know what you mean. I literally haven’t stopped thinking about bacon smuggling. AT ALL. Oh – maybe once to plot evil death to the Co-op.
Same here… I’m genuinely considering starting a secret diary of a bacon smuggler/co-op saboteur…
Now THAT I would pay good money for. I rather hope you do.
You can have it for free…I really don’t see how I can’t do it…
Yes yes yes! This is almost as exciting as bacon itself!
I expect all answers to any future interviews to be bacon related! What kind of a hat would a bacon smuggler where?
Maybe a stetson? With a pork-leather band and tassle type dangling thing. Or perhaps a sombrero.
Whilst I’m always partial to a dangly thing, and I do love a sombrero, I get the feeling that a style of hat needs to be invented for this to have any real credence……..I fear I may have actually believed myself a bit there…
I am totally with you. I think it could be a three cornered hat. Gives an air of the buccaneer .
I was thinking exactly the same thing! Something grand and smugglery, but also practical and handy in a fight…possibly with a small pocket for emergency gin.
And also a feather. A feather adds swank!
I love a good swank! Dare we go macaw? It could serve as a dart…….
I think at this stage we should be as daring as possible. I like the weapon element of the macaw feather. I say let’s go with it.
Let’s not be too hasty…it’s the downfall of many a rookie smuggler…the zoo near here has a mean golden pheasant with a very impressive plumage.
Such wisdom…
Perhaps we should do a little plumage research before we firm up any details?
That would only make sense, although I completely understand your exuberance; un-researched firm details can lead to all kinds of trouble
My general approach to research is initial fervent enthusiasm, followed by random decision making based on briefly glanced facts. It makes for interesting endeavours.
I take everything I think I know and stick it in a pot…I end up listening to the pot’s opinion…..the pot thinks we’d work well.
We shouldn’t go against the pot. It clearly knows what’s what.
Even if it was educated at the other place…Hull…
The words ‘Hull’ and ‘educated’ should not be used in the same sentence.
…but that’s just what you’ve done…
Curses!!!!
It happens to the best of us; I once put ‘funny’ and ‘joe Pasquale’ in the same sentence, won’t be doing that again!!!….oh shit….
Hahaha. Listen, I don’t suppose you know what happened to Tony Slattery? He used to be good.
Where has he gone?! I liked him on whose line is it anyway…coz he was mental… I’ll google it later, because I’ve lost his number, otherwise I’d ask him direct.
I think there was some sort of drug scandal but I assume he survived that. I have got it in my mind that he should be a national treasure, but then again my mind is a funny place.
It may well be a funny place, doesn’t make it wrong! Yep, drugs and bipolar, only does smatterings now, but there should be a Tony Slattery day I reckon.
Well, nobody’s perfect, are they? I agree, some sort of national holiday in his honour.
I’ll draw up the legislation now; if we get all the paperwork done first, Tony will be far less likely to say no.
Good man. If he says no, we will shoot him. And keeping shooting people until someone says yes. Maybe.
I’ve had far too big a dinner and you nearly ruptured something! But shooting does seem the only way, we are smugglers after all…ironically enough I’d suggest asking Tony Blair, but he’d absolutely say yes.
Glad to hear about the big dinner, my favourite kind. I imagine Blair would say yes as these Tony types seem to stick together.
Tell that to Tony Caesar and Tony Brutus!
HA!
It is one of the best feelings in the world not seeing the laugh out loud thing that I can’t apparently even bring myself to write!
I think ‘ha’ or ‘teehee’ are far better myself. Much more expressive!
Absolutely, and I’ve actually met someone whose laugh was genuinely a teehee; I’ve never come out with so many funny things just to hear him laugh.
This chap sounds super! You should make him a You Tube sensation.
Sadly I only met him once years ago when a friend and I hitched a lift from him…otherwise yes, I’d abuse him mercilessly for my own gains and amusement!
Ooh, brilliant interview, Lucy! Love your advice to writers, love the hints at romance. I must say, you’re doing an outstanding job blowing your trumpet — and I’m taking notes for when (notice I said WHEN!) I get lucky enough to be published!
Well thank you Debbie! Who knows if it will do any good, but at least that trumpet is getting blown 🙂
Absolutely it is WHEN! I have no doubts about that at all and I very much look forward to it 🙂
You are MUCH too kind, my friend — thanks for the boost to my confidence!
An absolute pleasure I assure you! I very much enjoy your writing and have every faith in your abilities. Just go for it!
Thank you soooo much! I’m trying, you know. Nice to hear someone believes in me — and I’ll return the honor when your book hits the stores!
Big hugs, my friend! 😀