Alpha Males

Secret Diary Of PorterGirl

The mood in the Porters’ Lodge seems to be somewhere between outrage and disgust. Both Head Porter and The Dean are pacing furiously, so the situation must be rather grim. No doubt the appearance of the potential Bursar has something to do with it.

Head Porter ceases his striding and stands before me, arms folded and head shaking bitterly.

“I’m glad you’re here, Deputy Head Porter,” he says seriously. “There has been something of a development in the Bursar situation.”

“So I understand,” I reply. “What’s the problem?”

“We don’t like the look of him at all.”

I look to the sombre faces of The Dean and Porter and it would appear that this is indeed the general consensus. What on Earth can be the matter with him? No immediate explanation is forthcoming.

“So then, what is it?” I ask, getting rather concerned, now.

“Well he doesn’t look much like…

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    1. And things are quite confused enough already! Shame, though – I like the sound of this Bursar! It seems he will have to abandon his Bursary ambitions, which is a great tragedy for the world of Bursaring.

    2. Yes all of those things sound good!
      No, definitely no Bernards, As houbsay they are just for us…
      And the Official Bernardeaters…to weed out the soy sauce flavoured kit Kate and the like 😯

    3. I LOVE the Official Bernardeaters!! We should get T-shirts and hats 🙂 Proper hats, mind, not any of this baseball cap nonsense. The Official Bernardeaters shall be resplendent in top hats with tiny Wombles attached – what do you think?

    4. Oh yes indeed!!
      and their official Womble shall be Madame Cholet as she is undoubtedly a connoisseur and a fine representative for the noble order of Bernardeaters!

      none of our Official Governmental Persons should be allowed baseball caps…apart from possibly the person we send undercover to overthrow the US government…

    5. Brilliant! I do love Madame Cholet, she is the perfect choice.
      I am thinking of sending Sir Edd to America as he is becoming most troublesome in Downing Street. But then, he is our best baddie so maybe he should stay. Anyway, I think the US government might somehow overthrow themselves… literally anything could happen now!

    6. I can’t see him in a baseball cap…his hair would stick out from under it in a most unruly manner…

      that is true… between now and 20th Jan (and after to be honest) I am not putting money on anything!!

      I am regretting not getting that social media campaign up and running now… we could have been wildcard entries!!

    7. Oh yes, Sir Edd wouldn’t risk his lovely locks being crushed!
      Well, I am feeling quietly confident for the 2020 UK election. This just goes to prove that anything can happen and even the most unlikely candidate can land the top job!

    8. I know these are scary and uncertain times, but I quite like the idea that we are living in actual history. Kids are going to study this period in school as the beginning of… whatever happens next. And I sort of hope that Who Shot Tony Blair? will be heralded as a great work of satire of its time! 😀

    9. I see what you mean about the History, although I am not sure I wanted to try out a distopian future for myself!

      As it turned up in the world news section, I suspect that not only will it be heralded as a great work of satire, but in some circles it will be taught as real history!

    10. Don’t worry, even in WSTB? 2026 is still pre-dystopian – we will be ruling the world by then and everything will be fine 🙂
      That was so funny! You know, I bet it will be taught as actual history in some remote parts. We’re going to be historical figures! Yay! 😀

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