Deputy Head Porter – Sweet, Smart & Vulnerable?

PorterGirl – First Lady Of The Keys is now available on pre-order, which I am sure I have mentioned several times, but according to my publicist, not enough. It turns out that bashing out 90,000 words was the easy part and now I am expected to actually promote the bloody thing.

I sent a tweet saying ‘Buy my book, you bastards’ but this was considered insufficient. Apparently, we need to focus more on the ‘ sweet, smart but vulnerable girl next door side of PorterGirl…’


So, just for you, here is an excerpt from the book, with our very own Deputy Head Porter feeling a bit vulnerable. I suppose I had better have a trawl through and find some examples of sweet and smart also.

Double pah.

Wouldn’t it just be easier if someone leaked some nude pictures to the press or something?

Late September, just before the start of Michaelmas Term…
It is still dark as I make my way towards the huge, iron gates of Old
College to begin my very first day as the new Deputy Head Porter. The last
remaining stars of twilight sparkle with ever decreasing light to herald my
arrival, and a gentle breeze, still chilled with the nighttime, tugs stray
strands of hair across my eyes. Pulling them back, I take in the full wonder
of the place that is to be my fresh start. The great, medieval leviathan of
stone and mortar looms before me seemingly returning my gaze,
regarding me with some suspicion. The centuries held in its walls spring
forth, rooting me to the spot for a moment.
The only reminders of my previous existence in the fuzz are my trusty
Maglite and a very nice pen presented to me by my former colleagues. I
can feel it there, like a tiny security blanket, close to my heart. Its very
presence giving the impression that my old team is only a radio
transmission away. But they are not. There is no back-up. I am all alone in
a whole new world and I have no idea what I am doing.
I have never even been to college, let alone set foot inside one of the
very finest universities in the world. I left school at sixteen with little to
show for it before eventually finding my calling as the target of abuse from
drunks and drug addicts on a council estate many miles away. But now I
am the Deputy Head Porter of Old College, an institution steeped in the
traditions of learning and academia. I probably won’t need back-up. But I
wish to God it was there anyway.


PorterGirl – First Lady Of The Keys is available NOW!

UK Edition

US Edition


  1. Definitely intrigued, Lucy. Such a good teaser you’ve included. In a perfect world, though, some of us would write and others would market. ‘Nuff said!!

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