In a post-Brexit, pre-dystopian Britain, the traditional political system has collapsed and Tony Blair is back in Number 10. Only this time, he is tied to a chair in the kitchen under the watchful eye of the accidental Prime Minister’s mother.
Following several years of instability, Britain is more divided than ever. The country has devolved into a ragtag assembly of self-governing provinces, each with their own unique and particular arrangements. Elected to the position of Prime Minister of East Anglia by lottery (considered the only true method of democracy by some drunk Cambridge scholars), Lucy Wastell comes to power with the intention of reuniting her beloved country, establishing Cambridge as the new capital city and giving her chums all the top jobs. Which – considering she was a receptionist until last week – shows remarkable political nous.
When ex-Prime Minister and all-round war monger Tony Blair is captured by the Cambridge Militia, the new government see an opportunity to finally put him on trial for war crimes and strengthen their position in this brave new world. Unfortunately, no one in the newly-formed Cabinet has the first idea about how to execute such a task and so decide to lock him in the kitchen while they have a think about it.
Meanwhile – Boris, King of Oxford, has similar designs for his own city to become the capital and the ancient rivalry between the two municipals is reignited. But this is far removed from the good-natured jousting of old – previously played out on rugby fields and academic league tables – and a violent outcome seems very much on the cards. And with interfering travelling salesman and sometime spy Nigel Farage keen to stir up tensions wherever he can, the job of Prime Minister is looking less attractive by the day.
On the verge of war and with the world’s most wanted man locked in the kitchen of Number 10 (Downing Street, Cambridge – naturally), can a randomly-selected bunch of citizens really make a better job of it all than governments past?
The people really do have the power. Which is what we all wanted… right?
And this is where YOU come in…
Who Shot Tony Blair? is a slightly surreal satire that is somewhat racier than PorterGirl, but retains the same light-hearted style and tone. Although there will be some more ‘grown-up’ topics involved, we will not be straying too far from the tried-and-tested cheeky narrative of the Secret Diary.
The website is currently under construction and is looking a bit naked. What it needs are some cheery pictures and whatnot. Ideally, pictures depicting the brand new cabinet ministers of the Cambridge Parliament. The ministers are an essential supporting cast to the main characters and I wanted to offer you, my beloved readers, first dibs on a cabinet position, before I start harassing family and friends. All I require from you is a head shot you are happy for me to use on the homepage of the new blog, to which will be attached the character name and brief outline of their position and attributes. All salacious and scandalous behaviour will be restricted to the main cast, so your likeness will not be associated with anything dubious or unpleasant. That’s what I have Paul Butterworth for, after all. Of course, if you want to use your real name and / or be involved in scandals, that is also fine. Although there is no obligation for any further involvement, those keen for small screen stardom may well be invited to shoot some short scenes with us.
If you are interested in becoming a piece of history, send your picture and any preference of name, cabinet position, whatever – to firstname.lastname@example.org and I shall do my very best to accommodate you!