Secret Diary Of Terry – Part Five

The fight that followed was one of such epic ferociousness that I hesitate to share details so grisly with you delicate human creatures. Although, perhaps I indulge my feline flair for the dramatic rather too feistily. There is little cause for alarm, although it was a somewhat spectacular event.

The Master’s Cat flung the full fury of her considerable weight right at me, accompanied by sounds that were reminiscent of Onion Flower singing a song. It was hideous. But a pampered paunch that size was no match for a lithe and athletic parcel of sinew and muscle such as my good self. I leapt up like a flash, alighting on the surface of a nearby bookcase in relative safety. I believe even this piece of furniture, quietly existing for centuries undisturbed, was stunned at the speed of my alighting. As for my tubby assailant, she careened along the polished wooden floor like a furry juggernaut, her wildly scrabbling claws unable to slow her inevitable expedition which ended rather abruptly when she collided with the underside of a cabinet at great speed. To my great delight, at least two-thirds of her vile bulk became hopelessly trapped between the furniture and floor, leaving her little fat legs and tail flailing furiously behind her.

There followed a brief period where I learned several new words which sounded very rude indeed – even worse than some of the ones Onion Flower uses when she is particularly irked. The vigorous and urgent flicking of The Master’s Cat’s tail put me very much in the hunting mood and I spent quite some time pawing and nipping at it, something which perturbed her greatly. As delightful as this past time undoubtedly was, I had rather more pressing matters to attend to and I left her in situ to pursue the urgent task of finding something nice to eat.

As it turned out, my new lair had all manner of delicious specimens to tantalise my appetite. There was the common ground food, of course – mice and voles and even a plump little rat down by the river. Rats have a much stronger flavour than mice – rustier, in fact – but once one gets used to it they are a real delicacy. But better than the moving food was the warmed up food that seemed readily available in large quantities.

I discovered an entire building in my lair, completely dedicated to the production of my meals. You see, this is what comes of leaving good quality announcements – people really do take notice. The rich variety of aromas was of such torrid emanation that the shock of it nearly knocked off my whiskers. This was surely the finest fare in the land and would you believe that it was right here, in my very lair! I could have filled my tummy a hundred times over, which led me to believe that maybe some of this food was meant for Onion Flower too. Well, I have no quarrel with that matter. She can take her fill upon her return. She will return, won’t she? 

The creatures in the food building were at first a little alarmed at my presence, but that is only to be expected. When faced with such a noble beast such as myself for the first time, it can be a lot to take in. Nonetheless, they soon remembered themselves and furnished me with some wonderful victuals, the quality of which could not have been better if I had hunted them myself. I left soon after, not wishing to cause too much of a commotion on a full stomach.

My next task was, naturally, to find a cosy spot to curl up for a while, to allow my burgeoning belly to get about its business. After such a prodigious meal there would no doubt be the opportunity for the making of many more announcements and for that I would need to be well refreshed. I found a wonderful spot up high in the organ loft where the air was warm and the smells uninteresting. The last thing one wants when trying to find repose is the distraction of fascinating flavours exciting the nostrils.

I am not asleep. I am resting my eyes.

I am not asleep. I am resting my eyes.

I slept the sleep of the Gods, but that was nothing compared to my delight upon awakening. The lair was a-buzz with activity and excitement, with all manner of rushings about and, evidently, fine preparations. The creatures rushed from one place to another, carrying beautiful things and fussing with sparkling fripperies that had something of a ethereal air about them. Well, this must be it! The great celebration to mark my arrival at the new lair. The creatures were clearly beside themselves with delight. And quite right too.


  1. Ah, Terry, you are a cat of discriminating taste. I had no idea you were such a fierce and clever opponent, but the size and lack of conditioning of your opponent meant she was clearly not much of a challenge. Do you prefer the victuals prepared for you or the wildlife of the area? In my time, I did like squirrels and birds.

    1. Your words are kind as ever, dear Elijah Moon. The porky puss was simply no match for my stealthy sleekness. Now, it is a hard choice between the wildlife and the pre-prepared food. I love the thrill of the chase but one cannot expect a cat such as myself to run around all day getting exhausted. A fine balance between the two is required 🙂

    2. I’m sure that is why you are still stealthy and sleek, Terry. I eat only the prepared food now and must admit I am rather large. But very roundly handsome. Coffee Breath tells me you look very much like her first feline companion, W(einer) Schnitzle, whom she still thinks of – when she is not adoring me, of course.

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