Secret Diary Of Terry – Part Two

My night spent at the lair of Green Bacon was not too awful, although he is a poorly trained creature. The back door was left ajar for me to explore what passes for his outside territory, but I wasn’t much in the mood. There were smells out there I wasn’t all too sure about, to be honest. I passed some time sniffing about his lair and did find three spiders, which was encouraging. Some kippers appeared on a small plate in the kitchen, which I ate. I thought they might be to keep me from starvation until the steak had finished cooking on the stove, but this vanished quite mysteriously. I made a note to put in a formal complaint with Onion Flower.

The upstairs nest which I had chosen for myself was strangely shut away behind a door when I went up to have a snooze. I suspect that Green Bacon had got in there himself, which was very rude. I had to make do with a makeshift nest I found downstairs. It was kind of Green Bacon to wash and iron his clothes in anticipation of my arrival, although the pile needed some degree of rearrangement before it met my needs. Although I slept quite well, I was unable to announce myself first thing as the door to the nest room was still shut tight. Luckily for Green Bacon, I can make quite a racket when I have a mind to and he was soon up and about, getting my breakfast.

This creature was pleasant enough but very simple. His lack of training was endearing at first but I could see that things would soon become problematic. His feet seemed to be everywhere that I needed to be and I barely had time for three brief groomings before he hoiked me outside among the strange smells. This was no good at all. I decided to follow Green Bacon in the hope that he might lead me to Onion Flower.

Carrying out some essential maintenance

Carrying out some essential maintenance

I followed Green Bacon through an unusual and bustling territory, the likes of which I could never have imagined existed. My lair is situated amongst rolling fields and lazy little lanes and I am rarely bothered by the hairless creatures, except for when Onion Flower holds one of her inexplicable gatherings (the noise! Oh goodness…) This territory is teeming with the buggers, swarming like bugs between buildings the size of battleships. They cannot surely be lairs. I dread to think what they are. I certainly would not like to nest in them, that’s for certain.

My brief foray into foreign parts turns out to be very much worth the fleeting vexation. Before too long at all we arrived at a place that reeked of a vaguely familiar aroma. It is the smell that sits lightly on Onion Flower whenever she returns each evening. This must be Old College! And I don’t mind admitting that I found it to be quite remarkable, even by my extraordinary feline standards. The myriad of scents that assaulted my senses were thick with multi-faceted richness; it is not just the variety that excites my nose but the very quality.

But you must realise that smells are just the surface layer of a place, or thing. The basic senses can only tell you the most superficial things about a place, or thing. It is the extra sensory perceptions that a fellow must properly pay attention to. It is a tricky thing to explain to you creatures, although I believe that there are those among you who have a rudimentary grasp of such things. It is when you think with your mind, not your brain and your gut sees things that your heart is blind to. Old College deafened me with its unheard chorus and dazzled my eyes with the unseen. My hackles twitched with something that was neither fear nor malice, rather an ancient thing that spoke from one wise beast to another. When a lair such as this has been around so long, it acquires a vitality all of its own.

Green Bacon scurried off into a hut of little interest to me but at least I knew I was in the right place. I found a quiet spot beneath a strategically placed bush and took a moment to tidy up my tail. I could not quite smell Onion Flower yet but this was definitely her territory. She must be lurking somewhere. It also struck me just then that this is a very fine lair indeed and much more befitting of a cat of my standing. There were many, many creatures here that would no doubt be delighted to serve me.


I decided to locate Onion Flower immediately and inform her that we now had a new lair.


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